How to paint laminate.

I should have known better to attack this project. I have learned over the past year or so that laminate is my nemesis. He hate me. (Check my first post to understand.)

I know how to paint stuff. I do. I even knew/know how to paint laminate. It just doesn't like me much, and from now on, I think we're gonna keep our distance. Hater.

It started with the TV cabinet in the playroom/loft:
I kept looking for something new (like, Goodwill-new) for the space. It had to had storage like this one, it had to have the open shelving like this one, it had to be this size. And it had to be black. Hmmmmm...ummmkay. Why don't I just paint this one? I know, you are quicker than me...

So I just painted it. It is laminate, through and through. I went to meet Paint Guy at Lowe's. (We're on a first-name basis. His name is Paint. Guy.) I asked him for the best, most fantastic primer he could ever think of for painting laminate. He said B.I.N. primer by Zinsser was the best one. AND it dries in 45 minutes!!

I skipped out of the store, I was so excited! I could actually get this done in Sarah-time! That would be asfastaspossiblegetitdoneNOWIhatewaitingforpainttodry time.

Well...I don't know what this stuff is but it is waaaay weird. It destroyed my rollers and foam brushes. Super weird. Like, they were melting off the handles weird.

It did dry fast though...so I was OK. Over the next few days, I did three coats of black (even though I used tinted primer), a couple coats of poly, later added some cute red knobs from Hob Lob:

Put the TV and components back on and this started happening:
That's a huge chip with the laminate showing through, covered by black Sharpie, in case you couldn't tell. (Most of the time, black or brown Sharpie is great to cover up scratches, by the way.)

Then, it chipped under the TV. In like, three places. I could have cried. Really. Told you. Laminate is out to get me.

BUT...I spent $10 on primer, a few bucks on new rollers, and only a few hours of my time. Even if it looks good for another six months or so, in the end, I feel like it was worth it. I loooove how it turned out...a new black cabinet would have been at least $250.

That's what I keep telling myself anyway. :)

Before:
After:

Worth it?

P.S. Yes, I sanded it. No, not a really really good sanding. :)
Yes, I let it cure between coats (as long as directed). No, probably not as long as I really should have. (I know better!)
Yes, I was super anxious and tired of the electronic crap all over the room and probably put everything on too fast -- should have waited at least a whole day. NO. I didn't follow my own advice. (Have I mentioned how very little patience I have when it comes to painting lately??)

Hangs head in shame...